


As You Wish

by Namarie



Category: Timeless (TV 2016)
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Crack, Takes place in a vague post-S2 time period, The Princess Bride References
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-05
Updated: 2018-12-05
Packaged: 2019-09-12 04:03:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16865788
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Namarie/pseuds/Namarie
Summary: Rufus and Jiya have a very not-important discussion about how one of their favorite movies relates to the bunker inhabitants and their enemies. Soon, a couple of their friends get drawn in.





	As You Wish

~~  
As the credits started, Jiya let out a satisfied sigh and stretched on the couch next to Rufus. It had been too long. “Don't forget to stop it before it gets to that cheesy song,” she said, nudging Rufus a bit.

“Cheesy?” Rufus turned to look at her, raising an eyebrow. “Cheesier than the rest of the movie, you mean?”

“Don't you dare be criticizing _The Princess Bride_ ,” she warned him, giving him a glare.

“Hey, that's not a critique,” he said quickly, raising his hands after he pressed stop on the remote. “You know I love the movie. It's just got it's share of '80s cheesiness, is all.”

Jiya frowned, but then nodded. “Yeah, I guess. But that's part of its charm.”

“Again, I don't disagree.”

The two of them were quiet for a few minutes, as Rufus pulled himself up off the couch and put the DVD back in its case. Once he'd sat down next to her again, Jiya chuckled at a thought that had just occurred to her.

“What?” he asked.

“Nothing.” She grinned again, and then shook her head. “It's just … I was just picturing Wyatt as Westley, and Lucy as Buttercup. Of course, she'd be a much more badass, less scream-y version of Buttercup.”

“Although she's got the falling over part down,” Rufus pointed out, mirroring her grin. “But yeah, besides that, Lucy's version of Buttercup would be a hell of a lot less pointless.” Then he leaned in and took her hand. “But why can't I be Westley and you be Buttercup, with the previously-mentioned proviso that you'd be a way more kickass Buttercup than the movie version?”

Jiya leaned against his shoulder. “Sure.”

There was another pause, and then Rufus said, “Flynn would be Inigo, obviously. The whole revenge thing.”

“Obviously,” Jiya agreed. “But I'm less sure about Fezzik and Vizzini.”

“Eh, who am I kidding,” said Rufus with a sigh, “I'm not Westley. That really should be Wyatt. I'm more the bumbling, sweet but awkward Fezzik type.”

“Aw.” Jiya kissed his cheek. “Maybe, but only as long as you also acknowledge that Fezzik is super loyal, resourceful, and strong. And the fact that Westley and Inigo couldn't have saved the day without him.”

He kissed her forehead in response, and then said, “Well, yeah. Fezzik's awesome. There'd be no movie without him.”

Elbowing him, she said, “Good. As long as you know that.”

“Problem is,” said Rufus, after another pause, “if I'm not Westley, and then you're not Buttercup, I don't know who else you'd be. There isn't another really good female character in the whole cast.”

Jiya pondered this, even as her heart was warmed by this proof that Rufus had been paying attention to her occasional rants about lack of strong female characters in the stuff they watched together. “Hmm.”

“Ooh, I got it,” he said, sitting up and smiling. Then the smile faded as he looked at her. “Okay, um, so hear me out: you're the grandfather.”

“What?” She cocked an eyebrow at him. “In what way do I remind you of Peter Falk?” This better be good, she thought.

“See, because he's the narrator,” Rufus explained quickly. “So he knows things. Before anyone else knows them. And yeah, he's wise and understanding and stuff, but mostly it's because of the knowing things in advance.”

Jiya nodded slowly. “I'll allow it.” Of course, her visions didn't give her omniscience about the future, unlike most narrators, and Rufus knew that. But the grandfather was a pretty great character, and everybody loved Peter Falk.

“Well, thank you very much, Your Honor,” said Rufus, chuckling. “Now, who else do we have to find a part for?”

“Connor's Miracle Max,” she said promptly, and grinned when he started laughing even harder. “I mean, who else would he be, right?”

Once he'd caught his breath, Rufus nodded enthusiastically. “Ohhh, man,” he said. “Now I want to hear him do Billy Crystal as an old Jewish grandpa.”

“Me, too,” she told him. The idea made her giggle. She was sure their mentor could pull it off, though.

They sat for a while, enjoying the relative quiet of the old bunker in the late evening, when everyone else was off doing their own thing. Then Jiya sighed and said, “I guess we should do the villains, too. Who's Prince Humperdinck?”

“Hmm,” said Rufus. “I'd say Carol or Nicholas, but they're dead, and it's supposed to be someone who's trying to marry Buttercup. Which would be extra creepy. So that kind of leaves...”

“Who, her old fiancé – Noah?” Jiya scoffed. “But he isn't nearly evil and cowardly enough. As far as we know. He saved your life that one time!”

Rufus frowned. “Yeah. I mean, that does make me want to cut him a little slack. Let's table Humperdinck for now. How about Rugen?”

“Emma,” said Jiya immediately. “She's slimy enough, and sinister enough.”

“Plus she seems to enjoy sadistic games,” Rufus agreed. “Yep. Emma's Count Rugen. Which leaves which characters? Let's see, Vizzini, and I guess Miracle Max's wife. And maybe the Impressive Clergyman, and that one guy who was supposed to guard the gate.”

“And the albino,” Jiya added. “But I don't know that we have enough people to fill all those roles.”

A voice behind them made them both jump. “This timeline's Jessica can be all of the ROUSes. Collectively.”

They turned around, to see a dryly amused Wyatt standing there, arms crossed. “How does that sound?” he asked them. “Does it fit with the rest of your weird recasting?”

Jiya met Rufus's eyes for a moment. She wondered how long their friend had been listening. Rufus scratched the back of his head and said, “Well … yeah, it does, actually. But I wasn't going to say it.”

“Then that's settled,” said Wyatt, crossing the kitchen area. “I came out here to get myself a drink. Anyone else want anything?”

“Sure,” said Jiya, and Rufus chimed in as well.

Before Wyatt could do more than nod in acknowledgement, though, Lucy came into the room. “What's going on out here?” she asked.

Wyatt gave the couple on the couch a look, saying without words that he wasn't going to be the one who explained. So Rufus cleared his throat. “Well, Jiya and I just finished rewatching _The Princess Bride_ \--”

“Oh, I love that movie!” said Lucy with a big smile. “Amy and I used to watch that on VHS at least once a month when we were growing up. 'Fencing, fighting, torture, revenge, true love, miracles...'”

Jiya wasn't surprised to hear that it was a favorite of the Preston girls. “Yeah, it's a classic,” she said. “Anyway, after we finished watching, we were-- well, we were kind of recasting it, with all the people who live in the bunker as each character.”

“Yeah, not as the actors playing the parts, but as the actual characters,” Rufus elaborated. “As in, Flynn is Inigo Montoya, because of--”

“The fixation on revenge,” said Lucy with a nod. She was still smiling, though it was now in fond amusement – at them, Jiya thought. “Got it. So who else do you have so far?”

After Rufus and she ran through everyone they'd already assigned a role, both Wyatt and Lucy looked even more amused – and in Wyatt's case, also kind of baffled. Which was fair, Jiya reasoned, since this was a pretty ridiculous exercise, and she didn't think of Wyatt as the type who'd normally spend this much time thinking about something so frivolous. But he seemed like he was up for putting some thought into it now.

“For the record, Rufus,” he said, leaning against the kitchen counter, “you could totally be Westley. Our lives in the past couple of years could easily be equal to a year or so of training on a pirate ship.”

“Thanks, man,” said Rufus. “I think.”

“And I appreciate your stipulations about me taking on the role of Buttercup,” said Lucy, setting down her empty mug on the kitchen table. “That was always the thing that bothered me about her. She could've at least hit the stupid giant rat with that stick she grabbed before she fell over, for one thing.”

As Wyatt let out a chuckle, Jiya said, “Yeah, I know. And not that you need to be told this, but you're also, like, a hundred times smarter than Movie Buttercup.”

“Thank you, Jiya,” said Lucy, with a little bow. “As are you, of course.”

“So who are we still missing?” Wyatt asked, after a short pause. He picked up Lucy's mug and took it to the sink to start washing it, shrugging off Lucy's faint protest as he did so. “Vizzini, Humperdinck – who else?”

A few more moments of discussion had them settling on Nicholas as Vizzini (he'd thought he was smarter and better than everyone else, but was now dead). Lucy got pretty quiet when they started to discuss possible Humperdinck candidates, though – which quickly made Jiya feel bad. Of course thinking about anyone who might fit that role would creep her out. “Let's just say Humperdinck represents Rittenhouse as a whole,” she put in.

Wyatt, who had been watching Lucy out of the corner of his eye during that whole section of the conversation, agreed quickly. “Arrogance, believing they should control the world – yeah, that fits.”

“No arguments here,” muttered Lucy. She took a deep breath. “What about Agent Christopher? She needs a role.”

It only took a second for Rufus and Jiya to trade looks. Jiya was pretty sure they were having the same idea. “Well, if Connor is Miracle Max...” she started.

Rufus took up the thread immediately. “...Then Agent Christopher should be Valerie. 'Cuz they're basically everybody's parents in here, anyway.”

Wyatt and Lucy both agreed.

“I guess that's pretty much everyone accounted for,” Rufus went on, after another brief pause. “Everyone important, anyway.”

“I'm so glad we got it all hashed out,” muttered Wyatt, but he was smiling. “Now, as I was saying a few minutes ago, I came out here in the first place to get myself a drink. Jiya and Rufus already said they'd like one, too. Lucy?”

“Sure, I'll take one. Thanks.”

He was reaching for the cupboard where the wineglasses were (Lucy having switched back to wine and away from harder liquor ever since getting Rufus back) when he stopped. A smile crossed his face.

“Oh, no. I don't believe this,” said Rufus under his breath. And then louder, he said, “Don't say it, man. Don't do it.”

But Wyatt was already gazing at Lucy. “As you wish.”

~~

**Author's Note:**

> This was inspired by rewatching "The Princess Bride" on my birthday with my twin sister, Mack_the_Spoon. (Thanks for the beta, btw!) We had this discussion first, and then I decided I'd make it into a fic. Feel free to leave a comment with who you'd choose as each character, if you have different ideas! I'd love to hear them. :)
> 
> Also, RIP, Bill Goldman, and thanks for this brilliant classic.  
> I don't own TPB or Timeless.


End file.
